Misinformation Dissemination 5: Whether it is fitting that Peanut Butter be present in Heaven
Dogmatis Substruction Supernaturali Delectati Arachibutyri in Caelo (Whether it is fitting that Peanut Butter be present in Heaven)
by Ben LaVergne
Objection One: It seems that it is not fitting for peanut butter to be present in heaven. For in heaven God will be all-in-all. Therefore, there will be no room for peanut butter.
Objection Two: The beatific vision consists in the immediate vision of the Infinite Divine Essence in its Triune fullness of personal life. Therefore, it would be unfitting for peanut butter to be present in heaven.
Objection Three: Further, the Angelic Doctor says that “man has the entire fullness of his perfection in God,” and not in peanut butter (ST 2.4.8). If man finds the fullness of his perfection in God, peanut butter will add no further perfection to man, and will therefore be unnecessary.
Objection Four: Further, in heaven we shall not want anything. Yet undesired peanut butter in heaven would be a waste, and nothing can be wasted in heaven. Therefore peanut butter cannot be in heaven.
On the Contrary, It is said, God saw that it was good. In the omniscient foreknowledge of God, this judgment must have included peanut butter.
I Answer That, the Angelic Doctor has said, “Not only is perfect happiness naturally desired, but also any likeness or participation thereof” (2.3.6). Man desires first of all the Beatific Vision, for which no material creation is a substitute. Yet, in the wisdom of God, man also desires the manifold beauty and splendor of creation, which is preeminently present in peanut butter. Thus it is fitting that peanut butter be in heaven.
Reply to Objection One: God is immaterial, you doofus, and if there were no room for peanut butter in heaven, there would be no room for us. But if even now the Divine omnipresence is not impaired by peanut butter, then neither will it be so in heaven. God will be all-in-all in such a way that His fullness permeates all things, and this includes peanut butter. Therefore, peanut butter will not only be present in heaven but supernaturally yummy as well.
Reply to Objection Two: The primary object of the immediate vision of God is the Infinite Divine Essence in its Triune fullness of personal life, but the secondary object consists in the extra-Divine things, which are seen in God as the origin of all things. Thus peanut butter will not only be in heaven but also seen in God as the origin of all things.
Reply to Objection Three: The question at hand is not whether it is necessary but whether it is fitting. It is true that peanut butter is not necessary for our perfection in heaven. However, it does not follow from this that it will not be present in heaven, since even man is unnecessary to God’s happiness, and yet he will be present in heaven.
Reply to Objection Four: Want can be understood in two ways, as desire and as privation. Now it is not true that we shall not desire in heaven, for we shall continue to desire God even as we see Him. But it is true that there shall be no privation in heaven, and this includes the privation of peanut butter. In fact the only place where privation will be is in hell. Thus the damned will have no peanut butter.
This quaestio first ran in the July/August 2006 edition of Grub Street Grackle. It appears here online for the first time.